Spirits
by Stargatecrazy
Summary: A drunken night three months before Benjamin is sent to Botany Bay Ben/Nellie


**Title: **Spirits  
**Pairing: **Ben/Nellie  
**Summary:** A drunken night three months before Benjamin is sent to Botany Bay  
**Rating: **M

**Author's Note: **This started out as a (very long) one shot but has now morphed into a huge multi chapter story. However I felt like making sure people like the way I write Sweeney Todd fanfic (even though there's no Sweeney in this), more specifically mature scenes, so I decided to post the start of the story by itself. If it doesn't seem completely resolved at the end, that's because (as I said) this is now part of a much larger fic which I'm in the process of writing (I'm horrible at updates so I prefer to have a story finished before I post it).

So after that long author's note, please ENJOY.

* * *

It was Christmas. There was alcohol everywhere and even though it was almost midnight the festivities didn't seem to be slowing down. Over half of Fleet Street seemed to be crammed into the Lovetts' parlour listening or singing along to Barry Jones, the carpenter who lived three doors down from the pie shop, who sat playing merrily at the piano.

Nellie Lovett was sat comfortably on the arm of her husband's chair. The man in question was snoring loudly, having passed out from alcohol consumption at least an hour ago. A large grin was plastered on Nellie's face and a small glass of sherry was held in one of her hands. Being one of those singing merrily along with the piano, the baker did not feel nor notice the two dark brown eyes that seemed unable to look away from her glowing face.

In the corner of the room, untouched bottle of alcohol in hand, Benjamin Barker stood uncharacteristically alone. Lucy had gone up to bed a while ago with Johanna, since it was getting too late for the young baby to remain up. Ever the doting husband, he had been willing to leave with them, had Lucy not told him to stay and have some fun.

"It is Christmas after all, Ben." She'd said.

Maybe he'd had a bit too much sherry to drink after his wife had left, but now the barber couldn't take his eyes off Nellie Lovett.

Her cheeks had flushed a flattering shade of pink, whether from the heat or the sherry he didn't know. Her vibrant red hair that had started out pinned up on top of her head had fallen round her shoulders in bright, shiny curls. Her laughter and singing echoed around his head and everyone else seemed to fade away until only the two of them were left in the room.

He watched as if in a dream as she gracefully hoped onto her feet. He blinked. She had left the room. He only just caught the ends of her skirts disappearing through the parlour door. Without any conscious action on his part, Ben's feet followed.

As he entered the main section of the pie shop, he saw the side door shut. Quickly he walked over to it and stepped outside. The cold winter air washed over him and he shivered.

"Mr Barker?" He shivered again, but this time, it wasn't because he was cold.

"Stepping out for some fresh air?"

Neither of them noticed the slight slur to their words. He looked down at where she sat on one of the lower steps of the stairs leading up to his shop. She smiled and nodded.

"You too?"

"Yes, it was getting a bit too warm in there and I though I might as well cool down with some pretty company."

Her smile grew at his words. Ben's stomach churned at them. Not only had his feet betrayed him, but now his mouth was too. Slowly he sat down next to her, oblivious to the small woman's jolt of pleasant surprise. There was an awkward silence for a moment before Benjamin coughed politely.

"So, how is the business running?" He asking, obviously grasping for something to say.

Nellie laughed, causing him to tense at the sound. She raised her eyebrows. "Come on, love. Can't think of a better topic?"

Smirking, the barber raised his hand which still grasped the almost full bottle of alcohol in his hand.

"Gin?" Nellie smiled.

They each took it in turns to take a swig from the bottle. Even though both of their heads began too get a bit too fuzzy they didn't stop until they reached the bottom; laughing and giggling. Suddenly wafting through the air from the piano inside, a soft melody reached their ears. Nellie leapt up. Jumping off the step they were both sat on, she managed to land gracefully on the ground below them with a cheerful grin.

"Come on, love." She slurred, barely understandable. "It's Christmas."

Ben smiled, getting up and placing his hands carefully around the baker's waist. Neither of them thought of the yellow haired lady sleeping soundly above them as they danced; slowly drifting closer together. With his head resting atop of hers, which in turn was leant gently against his chest, the two were unaware of the quickly dropping temperature around them.

"Nellie." He whispered softly into her auburn curls.

She made a sleepy noise before lifting her head up to meet Ben's gaze. Nellie Lovett couldn't breathe.

Benjamin didn't know what he was doing. His head was fuzzier than it had ever been and his body wasn't reacting to his brain's wishes, but he slowly found he didn't even care. His heart was beating violently in his chest and all thoughts of his wife and child had completely vanished. Shakily he brought a hand up to brush a stray red curl from her face. Carefully he pushed it behind her ear.

Eyes still locked together neither moved.

And suddenly, their lips were mashed together. The air seemed to spark and had Nellie Lovett been sober she would have sworn fireworks were going off around them. Neither knew who had initiated it. Neither cared. The kiss was clumsy; neither used to being so frenzied or so passionate.

Nellie's mind had gone blank as soon as his mouth had touched hers. Benjamin's mind was full of thoughts, but they were so flurried and rushed that they were just a blackened blur.

His hands moved lower, pulling on her lower back to push the baker closer into him. Nellie moaned against him, thrusting her hands tightly into his hair and pulling his head more violently against hers as she arced her lower body into his. Only when Nellie felt rough movements against her spine did she realise the barber was trying to rip open her dress. Not even thinking about what that meant she quickly pushed him away, undoing the laces on the front of her corset. Not wanting to be out of contact with her, Benjamin pulled her back to him; lips meshed and hands desperate.

As soon as her corset was undone, it was ripped off her. Benjamin's shirt was gone a second later; the buttons, too cumbersome to take the time to undo, flying off in all directions. Still their lips didn't part. It was only the gasps and moans uttered by both that allowed them to breathe. Subconsciously aware that they were out in the open, Benjamin pushed the woman in his arms backwards towards the shadows under the stairs to his shop. As soon as Nellie Lovett's back hit the cold stone wall, her dress was ripped from her shoulders by skilful hands, causing her to release another groan of desire.

"Benja…" She gasped as his lips left her mouth to descend down her neck to her collarbone.

She could feel his want for her against her thigh and her burning hunger for him rose. She pulled him back up to meet her mouth again as once more, hands craved to rid each other of their remaining clothing. The cold air nipped at her skin as Ben rid her of her dress and she felt him shiver as she tore at his trousers. Nellie almost screamed in pleasure as Benjamin pushed inside her. If it wasn't for his mouth still deliciously attached to hers, every inhabitant of Fleet Street would have been privy to their affair.

"Ben…" She cried into his mouth. "More…"

Hands and mouth now exploring her body, Ben's pace increased. Nellie bit into his shoulder to once again stifle a scream. Even drunk they both knew they couldn't fully voice their desires. As she tightened around him, finally reaching the climax she'd needed, she threw her head back against the wall. Only a second later, Benjamin joined her, uttering an animalistic growl against her shoulder.

Quickly their bodies started to cool in the early morning chill, causing Nellie to shiver against the naked body of the barber. Both of them stumbled towards the pie shop, ignoring or not seeing the tattered state of what remained of their clothing. Exhausted, Benjamin fell into one of the booths, Nellie snuggling up besides him. In minutes, both were asleep.

xxxxxxxxx

Groggily Nellie woke. Her head felt like it was splitting open and her body felt sore in places it hadn't been for years. One side of her body was incredibly warm; a sensation that made her feel uneasy. She sat up slowly, regretting the movement as it made her vision swim in front of her, making her thank whoever or whatever that it was still dark in the pie shop. Nellie rubbed her hands over her face. Letting her head rest against the cool surface of the table top, she looked over at the source of heat.

At first she didn't recognise the lump as what it was, but suddenly her eyes widened and she sat up straight, ignoring the painful protests of her body.

"Mr Barker?" Nellie asked worriedly, hoping this was all a cruel joke. "Benjamin?"

With a not so gentle nudge, the barber's eyes flicked open. His mouth opened and closed like a fish gasping for air as he took in the women in front of him. Confused, Nellie looked down at herself. A small sliver of light from one of the gas lamps outside the shop had snaked its way through the curtains, illuminating Nellie's lack of clothes. Embarrassed, the baker quickly covered herself with her arms, before looking more closely at Ben.

"Oh no." She gasped as she took in the barber's equal state of undress.

Ben looked at himself. His eyes snapped back to hers and the two looked at each other in shock.

"Oh shit…?"

"What have we done, Nell?"

They muttered simultaneously.

Hastily they rushed outside to gathered their clothes; thankful that it was still too dark to be noticed. Whilst tugging at her corset, the baker heard Ben swear. Turning round, she noticed him jerking on his shirt. It had landed in the gutter. Soaked through, covered in dirt and buttons missing; it was obvious Benjamin hadn't been innocently sitting in the parlour all evening.

Looking down at herself, Nellie wasn't much better. Her dress was torn violently down the seams at her shoulders, and her corset was covered in grime, just like Ben's shirt.

"We can't…can't get to my bedroom. They'll still be in the parlour." Nellie whispered, head still not fully clear.

Benjamin gasped, evidently misunderstanding her. "Nellie, what are you thinking?"

She groaned; his outbreak slightly too loud for her liking. "Fresh clothes! We can't go about the rest of the day looking like this, love."

Benjamin looked at them both. Raising a hand to his forehead to run through his hair, he sighed.

"What are we going to do?" He paused, noticing the abandoned empty gin bottle at the foot of the stairs. "I am _never_ drinking again."

He turned to Nellie as he heard a small choking sound. She stood there, looking lost in her torn clothing, a look of hurt on her face.

"Nellie?"

She sniffed. "It's alright, Mr Barker. Just forget about it. It never happened."

She turned away from him, heading towards the pie shop. "I think I have some of Albert's old shirts in the bake house. Might just find one small enough for you."

Confused, Benjamin followed her through the side door. When they reached the floor of the bake house, Nellie went about searching the old piles of clean laundry.

"Nellie, we can't just forget about this."

"Why not, Mr Barker?" She snapped, refusing to turn around and look at him. "You obviously regret it. Why not just forget it ever happened?"

Benjamin noticed the way she phrased her sentence.

"You don't." He whispered, shocked.

Nellie's head jerked round to meet his. "I…"

"No, you don't regret betraying your husband do you?"

Swallowing hard, Nellie's eyes lowered from his.

"I don't love Albert, Mr Barker. At least, not the way a wife should love her husband. Unlike yours, our marriage was one born out of convenience….not out of love."

The last word was spoken bitterly.

"Can I really help it if I enjoyed what happened? You've seen Albert…" She trailed off; a blush rising to her cheeks as she realised just how unlady like she sounded. "Just forget it ever happened. Please, for both our sakes."

She stood up. "Here, take this and go back to your wife. If she's awake, she's probably wondering where you are."

After passing him the slightly too large shirt, she walked past him towards the stairs that led out of the bake house.

"Nellie, wait."

She paused but didn't turn to face him; not wanting him to see the tears that glistened on her cheeks. He hesitated for a moment.

"I…I never said I didn't enjoy it." Nellie half turned to face him as more tears flooded down her face. "I'm sorry, Nellie. I'm sorry that I've obviously hurt you in some way…"

Benjamin hesitated again. "I do regret it, Nellie. I love my wife and I regret betraying her. I'm sorry it happened. But…I…I..."

A small sob escaped her. "Don't do this, Mr Barker. Please, don't do this."

"Nellie, please just tell me what's wrong. It's not regret that's upsetting you. Is it guilt?"

The baker sobbed again. By now, clean shirt still clutched in his hands, Benjamin had made his way over to the crying woman. Laying a hand on her shoulder he turned her round and pulled her into his embrace.

"What's wrong?" He whispered gently into her hair. "Just tell me what's wrong?"

She sighed sadly.

"It can't have been that bad?" He asked.

She nodded against his chest. "I just wish it hadn't happened."

A fresh batch of tears began to fall; dampening Ben's already soaked through shirt.

"Eleanor. For god's sake tell me what the matter is!"

"Please don't do this. Don't act like you care." She choked out. "Do you really have no idea? I… You realise our friendship is gone now? Ruined? You won't speak to me after today. You…"

"NELLIE?"

The loud calling of her name shocked them both. Nellie jumped back from Benjamin, smoothing down her skirts. She cursed when she once again realised the state of her clothing. Sniffing, she wiped the tears violently from her face.

"Change your shirt." She said emotionlessly. "And then get the hell out of here and go back to your _wife._"

Ben nodded, remaining silent. With a quick glance back at him, Nellie hiked up her skirts and headed up the steps towards her husband.

"Yes, dearie?" She asked as the huge hulk of her husband came into view.

He was slumped in the armchair he'd been in since last night. Looking at the clock on the mantle piece she noticed it was only five in the morning.

"Where were you?" He asked, oblivious to her state of dress.

"Just tidying up, love."

"Well tidy up in here then."

"Yes, dear." She sighed.

From the looks of it, most of the guests had left at some point earlier in the morning. There were still a couple of people sprawled over the sofa or collapsed against the piano, but they hadn't stirred at Albert's booming voice.

"Back in a minute, love. Just going to change into some fresh clothes." Faking a smile, she made her way to the bedroom.

As she shut the door behind her, she paused before sliding down it, tears pouring down her face.

xxxxxxxxx

Benjamin didn't know what to do.

Quickly he stripped off the ruined shirt and replaced it with the one Nellie had given him. He didn't know what the matter with his landlady was, but he wanted to find out. Eleanor Lovett was his friend. He just hoped he hadn't ruined that friendship, like she said they had, with his stupid behaviour.

Quietly he left the bake house and made his way up the stairs to his rented home above the pie shop. He moved his way gently through the door to his bedroom and, after taking off his clothes, slid into bed next to his wife. He felt out of place next to the sleeping beauty beside him. She looked so peaceful and serene in her sleep; innocent to her husband's betrayal. Benjamin sighed softly. He lay awake thinking of the woman who unbeknownst to him was currently sobbing against her bedroom door downstairs. Oddly his thoughts didn't drift towards guilt or regret, but instead of how the small baker had felt in his arms, how she had moaned his name against his ear.

Benjamin didn't know what to do. He loved his wife. That was unquestionable, wasn't it? But there was something about Nellie Lovett that had always captured his attention. Ben reinforced his earlier statement.

"I am never drinking again." He whispered against his pillow.

As he'd told the baker, he was sorry, but what he hadn't told her was how he wished it would happen again. She'd made him feel more passion than he'd ever felt for his wife. But it was wrong. Not just because they weren't married, but because they were married to other people. Thinking back to her almost hysteria down in the bake house, Ben's eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he remembered some of her words.

_"Don't act like you care."_ She'd said.

But Ben did care. She was his friend. Surely she knew this. Benjamin let out a breath of frustration. Carefully getting out of bed again and tugging on the clothes he'd only just taken off, he left his wife sleeping soundly. Wandering gently downstairs, Benjamin passed Albert, who had dozed off again next to the dying embers of the fire. He knocked quietly on what he knew was Nellie's bedroom door.

"Yes dear?" He heard her ask mockingly cheerful; probably thinking it was her husband.

"Nellie, open the door. We need to talk."

He was surprised when she actually obeyed him and he heard the door click open. As soon as he stepped inside she shut it again. Looking at her, Ben only just managed to restrain a gasp. She'd been crying even more heavily than she had been in the bake house. Her eyes were bright red and tracks of dried tears lined her face. Her makeup was ruined.

Ben cursed himself as his mind came to the conclusion that she still looked beautiful.

"Why are you here, Mr Barker?" She asked timidly. Too timid to be the vibrant woman he knew.

"What you said down in the bake house earlier. You said that I shouldn't act like I care." He took her hand and led her to sit down on the bed. "Damn it, Nellie. You know I care. You're my friend."

She smiled sadly, looking up at him with dark, tear stained eyes. "I know we're…_friends,_ Mr Barker. Please just leave it. It's over now. It was the gin's fault and nothing more."

Benjamin looked at her for a moment, letting the silence stretch out.

"You seem so very determined to forget about this." He said, confused.

Nellie closed her eyes, breathing out softly.

"You'd hate me, Ben." She said quietly, finally reverting back to formalities. "You'd hate me if you knew."

"Nellie, this isn't like you. Please…" He trailed off. "I could never hate you."

Realising that the barber wasn't going to let it go, Nellie opened her eyes, looked straight at the man who sat in front of her and lied.

"Oh I think you were right earlier. It _is_ guilt. I feel horrible. I may not love Albert, but he can be so sweet to me….and….and…." She forced herself to start crying again.

Fresh tears began to line her face as Nellie choked back fake sobs.

How long he sat there, Ben didn't know, but slowly he became conscious of the fact that Nellie was still crying next to him. Not knowing what else to do he reached over and pulled her to him.

"I'm sorry, Nellie." He whispered into her hair. "I'm sorry. But I could never hate you for feeling guilty."

Neither knew how long they sat there, held in each others arms; Nellie crying, Ben whispering her name. It was only when light started filtering through the windows that the pair finally pulled apart.

"Your wife will probably be getting up soon." Nellie croaked; voice raw from crying.

Benjamin nodded mutely, still unsure of what to do about the whole situation.

"I'll be fine, Ben." She looked up at him.

Again he nodded.

"And please don't act differently around me, love." Nellie said, attempting to be cheerful. "Just pretend none of this happened."

Once more he nodded. Not knowing what else to say, Nellie got up. Walking over to her dresser, she started rifling around in one of the drawers, looking for fresh clothes to wear for the day. Still slightly stunned, Ben got up and looking briefly back at the baker, left the room and headed up to his own.

As he disappeared through her bedroom door, Nellie sank softly onto her bed, thanking God that she hadn't had to tell the barber the true reason for her tears; that she hadn't had to tell the barber that she loved him.

**Please any comments/tips/help will be gratefully appreciated. I've never written a mature scene like this before and have no experiences to base it on :S lol**

**I feel like I've written Nellie as slightly more whimpy than she's meant to be. I've done this on purpose. I'm pretty sure she used to be different back when life was okay, but the years have made her harsher (and slightly insane). Don't worry, she'll be properly in character when Sweeney makes his appearence.**

**Flames will be used to bake cookies :D **

**I hope you enjoyed it :)**


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